Ask the Greek God of Style (Vol. 26): Vacation Footwear

Q: Dear Greek God of Style, I am packing for a 10-day Greek Vacation and I am only going to have room to take one pair of shoes. Have I sinned?

Phil from Portland

A: Dear Sir Knight,

Ask yourself this question; Do I require a quick escape or will I be brave enough to immerse myself in the majesty of the "Cradle of Civilization"?

If you require a quick escape then I suggest New Balance sneakers coupled with stretchy-waist Walmart jeans and a fanny pack. You may as well stay home in that case.

Immersion requires a level of nuanced sophistication to take you from day to evening, that shouts “I am here to live.” In that case, simple leather sandals are all that are necessary to form the perfect ensemble for your open button-down shirt and Speedo.

Now I suspect you are apprehensive about such a display of confidence but rest assured there is no choice.

You will want your skin bathed in Mediterranean light, kissed by Zeus himself. As a sacrifice to his glory you must be prepared to present your offering with minimal coverage. And in his service there is no shame of others as you are doing unto him rather than you.

So proudly and boldly step into the healing light to singe away winter’s hidden treasures and proudly yield your softness to the steely photonic girding as required.

By happenstance, to your reward, I too will spend holiday on the sandy shores of the Aegean. I will find you there and as a zealot of Olympus will execute the vision to please the jealous deity. If I see you there with flip flops and board shorts you will swiftly be converted into a naturalista. There are two ways to serve . . . passionately or by force . . . and I am in no mood to wrestle!