Q: Dear Greek God of Style,
I know you are not an advocate of under garments, but in your wise and just judgement, when one owns a sweet pair of stars and stripes underwear, is it socially acceptable to wear them on our great Independence Day without accompaniment?
Sincerely and vulnerably, Henry from Harrisburg
A: Hi Hank.
Are you secretly patriotic? This is not a question of my judgment, rather your conviction that you are using me to enable.
I am a universal patriot and I give no credence to the restrictions with which you shackle yourself. Therefore, in all things, I am uninhibited and unencumbered. I am free!
For you and your girdled loins, no one needs to see your stars nor your stripes. Keep that cornucopia secured and your representative republic tucked.