Q: Dear Greek God of Style,
What kind of costume do you recommend I wear to my upcoming Halloween office party?
Bert from Brooklyn
A: Dear Office Offender,
Office parties can be difficult to navigate when it comes to Halloween attire. Does one choose the spicy vixen, the Donald Trump reach-around-groper, the superhero complete with external underwear? So many choices and so many potential human resource snares and pitfalls!
Politically you also need to ask yourself what message you want to send . . . not just for that day at work, rather the day after. Take my recommendation, you should put googly eyes on your eyelids and take a nap in your cubicle lest you offend those around you with a wardrobe malfunction.
Now, since you didn't ask (but I know you wanted to) I'll let you know my costume.
As you would expect, I don't participate in such trivialities as "work" and "Halloween parties". How dreadful! The costume I speak of is my daily lounge wear. Nothing goes better with a well-tanned body than white. A high thread count, Egyptian cotton garment will suffice. Loosely wrapped around my midsection and allowed to gently fall just below my waist provides the perfect framing of the Hellenic V.
That's right, grab the towel and wipe your mouth. I may show up at your work place, Offender. Inevitably, your company's stock price will rise . . .