Q: Dear Greek God of Style, What is appropriatey manly attire for running in a 10K race? Volker from Germany
A: Dear Jogging German, I truely understand your compulsion for physical activity to better your physique and challenge your mind. Of course, I choose other physical exertion to achieve those same goals. I digress.
I would imagine that an organized run would be similar to an Italian passeggiata where you are there to see and be seen from all sides. So we want you looking your best.
When running, there's a significant amount of bodily displacement going on. Tactical and strategic movement can have you turning heads, fondly looking your way rather than turning heads, disgustedly looking away.
Here are your rules: Shy away from tight tops unless you've put in a lot of gym-time perfecting your pectorals and abs. I assume you haven't spent honest time doing this and therefore will present yourself as a lil' shaped bratwurst. Your victory is in your lower half. Running has helped your legs, no doubt. I would insist you wear high-cut running shorts that offer enough movement to allow a bit of upper leg visibility. Yes, all the way up. You'll be impressive from both sides, even when your shorts ride up your crotch from your unfortunate lack of inner thigh toning.
Don't be ashamed however when the cameras are on you in the home stretch. You'll be desperately striding towards the finish line, gasping and heaving for breath, while your manliness is gently nested in a billow of nylon. You will look glorious.